In my dream, I am at a health clinic which is set up in a gymnasium. I am an apprenctice nurse under the supervision of a matron-like senior nurse. A young, very fragile woman is rolled in on a cot. I know that she is me and that she has just had an abortion. She is very ill and weak. The head nurse turns to me and says: “She is your responsbility, you take care of her.”
I approach the young woman and give her all the proper “medical” care. But I am very detached and cold and do not truly “take care” of her.
In the next scene, she has transformed into a foetus-like form in a cold metallic kidney-shaped hospital pan. I know that I’m responsible for her and so I put her on a burner to keep her warm. I leave her there to continue my chores, I concentrate on placing the medication in the cabinet in alphabetical order. I am so absorbed in this task that I completely forget about her until I smell something burning. I turn around and she is completely charred. I feel sick to my stomach and woke up.
I was very troubled by the dream: I couldn’t grasp what it was all about, except that it certainly had a strong meaning for me. I decided to do a visualization exercise to work through my dream.
While lying down, I recreated the inital images until I felt I was “back in the dream.”
I visualized every scene of the dream until I got to where the young woman is rolled in on the cot. This was the crucial point… I knew that the final turn of the dream depended on what happened here. I asked myself: “What would I like to have happen in my dream so that I can feel good about this?” The answer was clear: “Love her and really take care of her.” Which is what I did. In my visualisation I massaged her head, her hand, and stroked her hair.
Sudeenly, something shifted in the imagery and in me. In the dream her stomach started to bloat and became the size of a fully pregnant woman. As this occurred I experienced the exact same bloating. I flowed with this very strong experience in my body.
Another shift occurred. The imagery faded away and I truly became the young pregnant woman. This was no longer an imagery in my head but a strongly felt physical experience. Lying on my back, I surrendered to the experience. It only amplified. The more I surrendered, the more it become clear that my body was telling me I had to go through labour and childbirth.
Flat on my back, all alone, I spread my legs wide, pushed and pushed until I lived through a beautiful experience of childbirth. Once I felt “the child” was out, I placed him on my stomach and basked in the wonder of birth. I was serene and fulfilled. My body had brought my abortion of fifteen yeras ago to a close. This was my first and last post-abortion experince. It was a though my body had to go through all the steps between conception and birth before completely letting go. I was amazed by the power of the body to carry forward its deepest needs.
Suzanne, Hull (Québec)