The child – living symbol of the loving bond between man and woman; pledge of immortality. The child focuses hopes and ambitions, mirrors dreams. Where is my child?
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My husband and I came to terms with the prospect of life without children after his bout with a life-threatening illness. At the time the desire for children was inconsequential compared to the idea of losing your life partner.
A reprieve was granted. My husband was well again and we began to settle into a relatively happy marriage. The need to have a child unfortunately does not go away – you just repress the emotion, the anger and disappointment, the envy at watching your pregnant friend’s belly swell, the tears that fall without warning during a diaper commercial.
Lisa, Lasalle, Québec
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Through Serena, I went to a public discussion on infertility while pregnant with my fourth child. My sister-in-law came with me as she was still in the fertility testing stage. An open discussion afterward had me speaking with some of the infertile women. Most of them were overjoyed at my state (seven months and very obvious), glad that I didn’t have the longing feeling they knew so well, and happy because of the joy they know they would feel if it ever happened to them. I felt apologetic and told them so. One woman embraced me and assured me I had nothing to apologize for, nothing to feel guilty about. I came home emotionally drained, but spiritually lifted, knwoing how lucky I was to have this baby inside me.
Joan, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
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We have been blessed with one boy, now five years old. I have, in the past, desperately wanted a second child. But because of secondary infertility this dream has not been achieved. My husband and I are still grieving this immense loss.
We absolutely adore our son. But at times I wonder if our family life would run more smoothly if Kevin had a sibling for a playmate. He often tries to be a part of our conversation and I feel caught between his world and my adult world. He is better, though, at playing by himself for stretches at a time.
We are reconciling our situation by telling ourselves that we have tried very hard to have more children and it just wasn’t meant to be. Loss is part of living and we must now get on with enjoying our lives and continuing to delight in our son.
Elizabeth, Ottawa, Ontario